


if only, if only

by StrawVally_Cream



Series: ??????????????? [1]
Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: "Can't get a proper date" Choi Yeonjun, College, Cool Choi Yeonjun, Dialogue Heavy, Established Choi Soobin/Choi Beomgyu, First Meetings, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, M/M, Plot Twists, References to Shakespeare, Roommates, Soft Choi Soobin, Special POV, There's a bit more to it than it seems, Thespian Beomgyu, VERY MUCH SO I REALIZE THIS LATER, Weak Choi Soobin, World's Biggest Brat Choi Beomgyu, Wrote this as a challenge, basically most of the fic takes place off-screen, holes - Freeform, horror elements?, i guess?, i'M SORRY I LOVE HIM, im kinda feverish and this happened, off-screen events, to myself lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:07:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22561492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrawVally_Cream/pseuds/StrawVally_Cream
Summary: “The face is a picture of the mind with the eyes as its interpreter.”― Marcus Tullius Cicero.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin, Choi Yeonjun/Choi Yeonjun, Huening Kai/Kang Taehyun, lol - Relationship, self love - Relationship
Series: ??????????????? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1677568
Comments: 8
Kudos: 51





	if only, if only

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to play with points of view and constraints that might be a little arbitrary to write from, and this is what came through~ ENJOY

Taehyun slips on the puddle in the morning. The loud, wet thump of his body hitting the ground draws nothing but a groan from his throat, the apartment devoid of anyone to laugh at him. From his position, he can see the source of the water clearly:

  
  
There's a hole in his ceiling, round and even edged and no larger than a dime. Even as he's looking at it, a minuscule droplet of water builds inside it and falls, landing messily on Taehyun's forehead.

  
  
Taehyun sighs, feeling the stale water seep into his pajamas.  
  


* * *

  
  
"How long has it been there?" Beomgyu asks, squinting at the hole suspiciously. Taehyun shrugs in response, holding the ladder Soobin's on tightly as he runs his hand over it. The water has long since stopped falling, whatever reservoir of it that was above finally running out.

  
  
"Well," Soobin huffs, "It's certainly a hole."

  
  
"Don't be rude," Beomgyu says dryly, "What did it ever do to you?"

  
  
Taehyun ignores him, "Did you see anything through it?"

  
  
"Not really. It was kind of dark? There aren't any lights on in that room, that's for sure."

  
  
Taehyun twists his mouth, stepping to the side to allow Soobin to step down.

  
  
"So it really is empty?" Beomgyu asks curiously.

  
  
"According to my landlord," Taehyun says, "But I know there was supposed to be some remodeling done to it. I don't remember exactly when she said it, but I'm assuming the hole's from that."

  
  
Beomgyu frowns, "What'd they need a hole in the ground for?"

  
  
"Maybe they're gonna put a stand lamp in? I know Miss Kim likes to furnish the apartments. Mine had stuff in it when I moved."

  
  
"Whatever it is, it must be close to a window," Soobin mentions absently, "I think the water was from last night's rain. The workers must've left the window open."

  
  
"Well they better close it soon!" Taehyun grumbles, "I don't want to be showing the apartment and slip on a puddle in front of a possible roommate."

  
  
"The fact that you're that upset over it tells us it happened once already," Beomgyu informs teasingly.

  
  
Taehyun blinks flatly at him, "Soobin-hyung, congratulations. You get two portions of dinner."

  
  
"Taehyun-ah, please. Mercy. We talked about this."

  
  
"Oh! By the way, Taehyunnie," Soobin snaps his fingers, "I told Yeonjun-hyung you were looking for a roommate, and apparently he has a friend that just moved to Korea to study! Do you want me to pass him your number?"

  
  
"How does my desire for a roommate come up in conversation during a cooking course?" Taehyun asks, raising an eyebrow. Soobin goes quiet.

  
  
Beomgyu snickers as Taehyun scrunches his nose, voice tense in warning. "Hyung?"

  
  
Soobin winces, twiddling his thumbs, "Okay, so maybe he was telling me how he couldn't have his friend stay in his house, and-"

  
  
"There it is!" Beomgyu cackles, "He probably offered your house without thinking! Ah, Soobinie, you're so weak!"

  
  
"I'm sorry! He just looked so upset-" Soobin bemoans, "And don't call me that, Beomgyu-yah. I'm still your Hyung!"

  
  
"It's fine," Taehyun sighs, "You saved me a search. But if he's weird, I'm definitely blaming you. Honestly Hyung, if I didn't know any better I'd think that guy was your boyfriend instead of Beomgyu-hyung."

  
  
"I know, right?!" Beomgyu jumps up, voice petulant "My Soobinie is so weak for a pretty face! He still refuses to let me meet him. I'm starting to think he's running an affair. Ah, to be betrayed like this..."

  
  
"Beomgyu-yah, don't say that. I wouldn't do that to you. He's just a friend!"

  
  
"Woe is me! To give my heart to someone like this!"

  
  
"Beomgyu-yah, please. You're so dramatic, this won't make me introduce him to you."

  
  
"O, what men dare do! What men may do! What men daily do, not knowing what they do!"

  
  
"Soobin-hyung, he's pulled the Shakespeare. You know how he gets when Shakespeare comes."

  
  
"Beomgyu, I swear to god-"

  
  
"Is whispering nothing? Is leaning cheek to cheek-"

  
"I'm going to set the table for myself, I'm done with the two of you."

  
  
As Taehyun leaves the living room, Beomgyu interrupts himself, pleading for mercy and food. Soobin sighs, trailing behind them and ducking his head through the door frame.

  
  
The hole sits, forgotten, over the empty room.

* * *

  
  
"-and this is the living room, obviously," Taehyun says, opening the door and gesturing inside. Kai walks in gripping the little shoulder strap of his bag in his hands, knuckles white.

  
  
"It's pretty big," Kai notes, eyes scanning over the intentionally garish decor over the walls. Taehyun regards him, leaning against the couch in the center of the room. "Very...niche."

  
  
"Just say it's ugly," Taehyun shrugs, "Soobin-hyung picked the decorations because he helped me with the first payment, and he was in a weird fad where he thought he needed to buy everything ugly because nobody else would."

  
  
Kai sighs, "Oh, thank god. I thought I'd have to compliment the clown clock."

"I picked that one. You don't like it?"

  
  
"No, wait! I mean, it's-"

  
  
"Just kidding," Taehyun shudders, smiling a little, "I would never, it haunts my nightmares. I'm not a serial killer, I promise. You don't have to be so tense!"

  
  
Kai stares at him for a moment, squeaking out a nervous laugh, "Uhm. Yeah. Sorry, I'm not used to meeting new people without Hyung. Or, meeting new people PERIOD, more like. Even less new people I'm going to be rooming with."

  
  
Taehyun leans his cheek into his fist, "Talk about a feelings dump."

  
  
"SORRY! I shouldn't-"

  
  
"No, wait!" Taehyun denies, "It's okay. You seem like you really need to talk. How about I make some hot chocolate, and you can elaborate on that?"

  
Kai deflates, tears budding in the corners of his eyes as he nods defeatedly. Taehyun herds him back into the kitchen soothingly, putting an arm around his shoulders and closing the door behind them.

  
The scent of chocolate reaches all the way to the hole.

* * *

  
  
"Taehyun-ssi?" Kai opens the door to the living room, peeking in. The room looks empty at first glance, and he sighs anxiously.

  
  
"How does someone have class for this long?" Kai complains, moving towards the couch, "It's like he's TRYING to-"

  
  
Kai yelps as he falls to the ground after sitting down, the 'couch' moving underneath him. Taehyun groans, the book that was on his face now on his lap after sitting up and shoving him off him.

  
  
"Taehyun-ssi, how long have you been there?!" Kai shrieks, "I didn't even hear you come in!"

  
  
Taehyun hisses at his volume, rubbing his eyes, "You were taking a shower when I opened the door. The bathroom lets sound out, but sound doesn't go in, so you didn't hear me. And I wasn't about to go and pay you a visit just to tell you I'm not dead."

  
  
"O-Oh," Kai's face flushes, "I'm sorry. Are you alright?"

  
"Hm? Yeah, I am. I'm not that fragile, and you're not THAT much bigger than me."

  
  
Kai's ears are bright red as he speaks again, "I meant the fact that you fell asleep on the couch. With a book on your face."

  
  
"Ah, I see. I'm fine, I was just...resting," Taehyun coughs, neck splotching with pink. Kai rubs the back of his own head dubiously.

  
  
"On the couch."

  
  
"Yup."

  
  
"At three am."

  
  
"Uhuh."

  
  
"With an Organic Chemistry book glued to your face."

  
  
"It blocks out the light."

  
  
"The light...of the living room. That you left on. Because you decided to rest here. On the-"

  
  
"FINE! I FELL ASLEEP!" Taehyun snaps, throwing his hands up in the air, "God, you're just like Beomgyu-hyung! What do you want me to say?"

  
  
Kai stares at him, mouth agape and eyes round. Taehyun sucks in a long breath through his nose, putting his forehead in his hands.

  
"Sorry," Taehyun whispers, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm just...God, I'm just so _tired_."

  
  
"It's okay, Taehyun-ssi. I understand," Kai soothes, crawling over to the empty space on the couch and sitting beside him. Taehyun stiffens momentarily when it happens, but little by little his muscles pull themselves away from the taut stiffness they'd pushed themselves to.

  
  
"We still don't know each other that well, and I don't mean to pry," Kai begins, "But I noticed you take a lot of courses. Like, a lot."

  
"I'm a double major. I need to take most of them."

  
  
"Most?"

  
Taehyun bites his lip, "Some. I want to get as much experience out of college as possible."

  
  
"Taehyun-ssi, you can do that without running yourself into the ground. You say 'as possible', but it seems to me like you're going for 'impossible' instead," Kai's voice is gentle, knocking the side of his thigh against Taehyun's.

  
  
"But," Taehyun swallows down whatever protest tried to emerge, scratching idly on the side of his wrist.

  
  
"You don't have to listen to me," Kai says, "But you can at least think about it, right?"

  
Taehyun nods. Kai smiles at him, standing and brushing off his knees, "I'm gonna go to bed now. My plan of watching cartoons secretly before dawn has been foiled, and I don't really feel like doing it anymore. Goodnight, Taehyun-ssi!"

  
  
"Kai-yah?" Kai pauses with his hand on the doorknob, looking over his shoulder as he's about to close the door while he leaves.

With nothing and no one to witness it save for the hole and Kai himself, Taehyun smiles, broad and shimmering, "You can call me Hyung. Good night."  
  


* * *

  
  
The door less swings than bursts open, an explosion of Beomgyu and Yeonjun loudly singing 'Ninety Nine Bottles of Beer' with their arms around a stricken Kai bringing a cheerful cacophony to keep the room company.

  
  
"-TAKE ONE DOWN, PASS IT AROUND!" Beomgyu screams shrilly, laughing at the indignant yell he gets from the kitchen in Soobin's voice. "FIFTY FOUR BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL!"

  
  
"FIFTY- Wait, were we on fifty four or sixty four?" Yeonjun asks groggily. The bottle of root beer swishes dangerously close to Kai's face in his hand, "Eh, whatever. FIFTY FOUR-"

  
  
"Hyungs? Can you tone it down?" Kai gasps in relief as Taehyun's voice carries softly into the room, extricating himself to drop at the boy's feet.

  
"Taehyunnie-hyung!" Kai spills the name reverently from his lips, "Please use your real house owner magic to rewind time so they never meet. Please!"

  
  
"I WARNED YOU!" Soobin's voice screeches. Taehyun ignores it, kneeling and placing a hand on top of Kai's hair. Kai looks at him, hope-filled.

  
"No can do," Taehyun says. Kai looks like he's about to cry, "You're the one who wanted them together for your birthday!"

  
  
"I didn't know!" Kai moans, "Soobin-hyung was right all along!"

  
  
"THANK YOU!"

  
  
"It'll be okay, Kai-yah, " Taehyun comforts, "In around ten minutes Beomgyu-hyung will start feeling lonely and he'll be Soobin-hyungie's problem, Yeonjun-ssi included."

  
  
"LESS THANK YOU!"

  
"You promise?" Kai's eyes water precariously. Taehyun nods, rubbing the top of Kai's head.

  
  
The sound of Yeonjun falling to the ground, Beomgyu standing in a squat and ready to catch him on his shoulders, causes them to look up.

  
  
"TAEHYUNNIE!" Yeonjun squawks, "I MISSED THE HOLE!"

  
  
The unused cork sits innocently by the window.

* * *

  
  
The couch has been cold for a few days now. Echoes of anger, of sadness, of resentment ring throughout the room. Occasionally, shuffling sounds reach past the door. Always one pair of feet.

  
Underneath it all, echoes of jealousy escape in a slow trickle through the hole.

* * *

  
  
The necklace is small. The silver chain slips easily onto Kai's fingers, lifting the locket up to eye level. Across from him Taehyun's eyes shift and shudder every which way, the line of his shoulders tense.

  
  
"I know it's probably not much of an apology," Taehyun says despondently, "But I wanted to at least give you something. I shouldn't have meddled in your life like that."

  
  
Kai's fingers open the locket deftly, and he gasps as the tiny pictures on both sides come into view. On the left lies a picture of him, grinning broadly, cheekbones glimmering with dusklight. On the right is a portrait of the five of them, cackling and enjoying some unseen delights not captured in the picture.

  
  
"Hyung," Kai says, "You...these are..."

  
  
"I didn't know if you were going to stay," Taehyun swallows, hugging himself, "I wanted something for you to remember us by. Some of the nice things, you know? It's been a year since you came along, after all."

  
  
Kai extends the locket out to him. Taehyun almost flinches at the perceived rejection until Kai speaks, turning around.

  
  
"Help me put it on Hyung, please. I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

  
"Kai-yah, I still don't understand what the problem is," Yeonjun deadpans around some fries. Kai paces back and forth in front of the couch, and Yeonjun whines every time he moves to cover the television.

  
  
"How can you not?!" Kai cries, "I thought it would go away! I really can't like him like that!"

  
"And why not?"

  
  
Kai blanks, "B-Because he's my ROOMMATE! He doesn't know I like him, I feel like I'm betraying his trust just by breathing around him! Yesterday he asked me to give him a towel after his shower Hyung, a TOWEL! I almost died! And-"

  
  
"If the problem is he doesn't know then just tell him," Yeonjun shrugs, "Go. Be gross and happy. Actually, maybe don't-Jisungie still hasn't returned my calls, and I don't feel like fifth wheeling."

  
  
"Hyung, this is serious! Besides, I know he doesn't like me like that. Telling him would be awkward. Why does he have to be so _charming_!" Kai groans, crossing his arms. Yeonjun snorts, narrowly avoiding choking on one of his fries.

  
"Kai-yah, remind me to laugh at you later."

  
  
"You're already laughing at me though?"

  
  
"A Hyung's job is never done."  
  


* * *

Kai's bag is stuffed to bursting, sitting by the door to the living room. Taehyun's bag is similarly packed by the other side, sweater hooked around the handle.

"When do your parents arrive in Korea?" Taehyun asks from the couch as Kai hangs up the phone. Any further words die in his tongue as Kai turns to him, expression grim.

"... They're not coming," Kai says, defeated.

Taehyun shoots up, " _ What _ ? How can they not be coming? You guys had a whole schedule!"

"My mother just told me their flights got canceled," Kai grimaces, "They don't think they can get any others on this short notice since Chuseok is tomorrow."

"Yeonjun-hyung already left, right? Where are you going to go?"

"I...guess I'll just stay here?" Kai says dazedly, "It'll be fine, I saw them last year-"

"Why don't you just come with me, Hyuka?" Taehyun offers simply. Kai freezes, jaw bobbing up and down.

"Come with you?" he states more than asks, "I couldn't ask that of you, Taehyun-ah! This time is for you and your family! The people who're most important to you!"

Taehyun's face plays with a smirk for a fraction of a second before his expression smooths out again, "Aren't you included there too? You're pretty important to me, I'd say."

Kai doesn't protest after that.

* * *

  
  


“I can’t believe you did that!” Beomgyu cackles, “And he just went with it? He went with you? Taehyun-ah, you have him WHIPPED!”

Taehyun buries his face in his arms, whimpering. “It was so hard to play it off! It was so nice to have him with me then! Hyungs, what do I  _ do _ ?”

“You can’t seriously think he doesn’t like you,” Soobin says, “Just ask him out. There’s legitimately  _ nothing _ in your way.”

“Is it really that easy?”

Beomgyu yawns, “You’re giving me  _ gray hairs _ , Taehyun-ah. Just find a good time to do it! Invite him out to coffee or something. You see each other  _ every day _ , and you’re not dense enough to think he hates you in secret or something. Do it before I have to re-dye my roots.”

Taehyun bites his bottom lip, leaning back and forgetting the fact that he’s sitting on the arm of the couch. He hits the ground with a loud  _ oof _ just as Kai opens the door, peeking through the crack.

“Has anyone seen Hyunnie-ah?” Kai asks, tilting his head. Taehyun sticks his arm up in the air, waving.

Kai laughs, “Silly. Hyunnie-ah, do you want to go shopping with me? There’s a sale on plushies, because people need early presents for Christmas.”

Taehyun gives him a thumbs up, twitching his hand towards Soobin for him to pull Taehyun up. 

“Soobinie and I have lunch plans, don’t worry Kai-yah,” Beomgyu sniffs, “No need to invite your Hyungs, we’re fine.”

“Sorry, Hyungs. I actually want to get things done, and you guys are kind of distracting,” Kai smiles awkwardly, “Besides, I want to talk to Hyunnie a bit.”

Taehyun almost drops again, but instead jumps over the couch and hooks his fingers around Kai’s wrist, “What are we waiting for then? I’ll get my wallet.”

Beomgyu shoves his own arm at Soobin as the two leave, “Why don’t YOU ever pull me away to places like that? Sweep me off my feet!”

Beomgyu’s protests as Soobin hauls him up on his shoulder and carries him out of the living room go unheeded.

* * *

The air is crisp on the way back, beginning to nip at the tips of their ears as they head back to the apartment building. Taehyun can barely resist grinning from ear to ear as he feels the warmth of Kai’s hand around his, and contents himself with swinging their arms a little.

He’s probably earned himself a bit of giddiness, right?

“If I’d known it’d make you this happy I’d’ve taken you shopping a lot sooner,” Kai’s fingers squeeze down on his hand knowingly. Taehyun rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, I’m happy about that. Not a new boyfriend,” Taehyun huffs, “Nah, I think that part’s not gonna last long.”

“Hyunnie, that’s not-” Kai interrupts himself as they turn the corner, gasping at a collection of police cars in front of their apartment building.

“What the hell?” Taehyun frowns, moving forward through the small crowd of curious onlookers. Oddly enough, a small pit of dread pools at the pit of his stomach. He catches sight of his landlord, Miss Kim’s tall figure leaning against one of the police cars, and stalks toward her while pulling Kai along.

“Miss Kim,” he calls, “What’s going on? What happened?”

Her eyes are round and anxious as she answers, “Taehyun-ssi! You didn’t answer any of my calls! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“My phone was off-Tell you what?”

“About the hole in your ceiling!” she cries hysterically, “When did it show up? Oh god, how long could this have been going on?”

“Miss Kim, what IS going on?” Kai asks, face taut and fearful.

“Someone was living in the room above your apartment! They broke in, I-I don’t even know  _ when _ ! There was a complaint of a strange light on from the tenant across the hall, and when the police arrived we found them! They made that hole with a drill that was left behind from renovations!”

Taehyun’s spine feels like a block of solid ice on his back, “WHAT?! That’s what-Oh, god!”

“So they’ve been…watching,” Kai swallows roughly, “This whole time?”

Miss Kim nods, pulling at her hair, “You should’ve told me! Who knows what could’ve happened?! We found-Letters, and notes, about  _ you _ .”

The violent shudder that runs down Kai’s body has nothing to do with the arm Taehyun hooks around his.


End file.
